Sunday, February 04, 2007
sometimes it's hard to go out. and then once i'm out, it's hard to feel like myself. i see people having fun together and i wish i was like them. it's like i can only have fun with my friend lara. if i want to be around other friends i need to think about it for a long time before i go. it's like i want to look just right and be in just the right mood when we go out. people think i'm funny and fun to be around and i know sometimes i am, but not all the time. if i'm not fun they probably will wonder what's wrong and i won't have an answer. sometimes i just feel quiet or sad or scared. but i don't like these feelings and they have been around more and more lately. sometimes when i am out and start out feeling good i think i want attention. usually i don't get much attention and that puts me in a bad mood. and usually the friend i'm with gets a lot of attention. that hurts my feelings because i figure i'm not as cute so it doesn't matter that i'm funny or smart. i don't wanna beg someone to talk to me, i want them to see me and talk to me. i want to be the prettier one. i never am. that makes me sad. i cry a lot about it lately. i know it matters more what's on the inside and my insides are real good. but you can't wear your insides on your outside, can you? if anyone knows how, can they explain it to me, because i feel confused about that one thing. i'm real smart and can learn it fast, so as soon as you can tell me, i can learn it. thanks for helping.
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my name is stephanie and i'm in the second grade. i like school a lot and i'm real smart. i also like ballet class. i take the class with the bigger girls because i know all the stuff that they teach the kids my age. my favorite is when we have a recital. i'm supposed to have black ballet shoes, but i like the pink ones. my sister and i play raft together but she like to play outside with the boys more.
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